I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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