just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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