the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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