I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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