I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
