Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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