Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
