apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
