2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
