Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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