please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The feeling are messing with the penis
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
