Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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