its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
