I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
