i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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