I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
