Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're like the curious george of whores
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
