then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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