I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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