I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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