cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
