did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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