did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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