White coat. Heels.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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