im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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