carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
