It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
this is an emotional support booty call
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
