i think my tv is drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
