He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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