i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
