I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
