i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
