I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
