Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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