Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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