I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
