I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How external is "for external use only"?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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