I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
