i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
