Walk of Shame. In a state park.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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