I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
