this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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