I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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