I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
