I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
