Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize