Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
