I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
