All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
there is puke in my bra ... again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
