You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
