He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
