it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
