we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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