just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
