At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
