im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
