They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
