Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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