walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
