Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
