You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
