Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
