its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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