My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
