Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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