My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
