You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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