you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
