I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
