I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
where are my pants?
in the oven.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
