Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
