I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
