just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
