We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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