Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
