I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
