so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wow bdsm is so cute
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