we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
